No Comfort

by Castaway

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1.
03:27
2.
03:36
3.
04:13
4.
03:29
5.
00:52
6.
03:56
7.
03:37
8.
05:33

credits

released June 14, 2015

Nick Worthington-Vocals
Jon Banks-Guitar/Vocals
Ben Klein-Guitar
Trevor Johnson-Bass/Vocals
Tony Stultz-Drums

Recorded/Mixed/Mastered by Cody Fuentes @ Rapture Recordings
Artwork by Dillon Clinton

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Castaway San Jose, California

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Track Name: No Comfort
It’s so hard to see the end when lately all I see is red in these eyes. For all of them, this forged composure is my disguise. If you could see behind these eyes, if you could crawl inside my mind, you’d see things you’d never speak of. You’d hold it all inside like me.

Can someone tell me, where did I go wrong? I just want to make them happy but I’m pleasing no one. I scream, I cry, I explode inside. Still searching for the pieces of my peace of mind.

Fist to the drywall, head glued to my hands. All I wanted was for somebody to understand. But they don’t, they won’t, so I stay trapped in my skin. I’m pounding at the walls of my skull, break me open. I keep wrenching at my heart, I keep pulling my hair. A winner at a losing game, I’m gasping for air.

Don’t you know that I fucking hate myself? It’s me vs. me all by myself. Don’t you know that I fucking hate myself? No comfort, no help.
Track Name: Stone
You can stay caught up in your fucking self, but understand I never needed your help. Pulled me down, now I don’t even know myself. So don’t you dare act like you cared about how I felt. Got sick of watching my life played out right in front of me while I did nothing but try to fit the shape you wanted me to be. ‘Cause you think you’re on top when I know you’re not. You’ve got it all figured out ‘til the hammer drops. You can run and hide in the life you’ve found, the pressure of this world will always weigh you down.

I know that you’ve got a head of stone, but you could learn a thing or two. You can say I’m wrong like you always do. It was never your place to open up old wounds.

I can see it now, you ran me around all so I would think that it was me who needed you. That what you approve is who I should be. You moved out, packed up your things and left town. I won’t apologize for shit, I’m just not fucking sorry this time around.

I never asked to be so miserable, all I wanted was to feel something real inside. But you threw your words, so I spoke my mind. I took everything we had and left it by the wayside.

I won’t let you sink your teeth into me again, you won’t hurt me anymore. So I tear at my skin, let the wounds bleed out so I can rid myself of the poison you are.
Track Name: As I Am
As if it wasn’t enough to leave me picking my teeth from the concrete, it wasn’t fair for you to tell me stand up straight just to kick my feet out from under me.

Heavy lies the crown you wear for something you claim that isn’t there. Take all your will and build up walls so no one can ever prove you wrong. When I finally saw you out, you told me that my mind’s misplaced. Well I’m not some fool who’s gonna wait for you while you run your mouth in circles around me.

And all of my slip-up’s, did they fall in line? Did I leave as you predicted I would? Did all the dates align? Now I’ve done everything I can to escape the tangle of your life, maybe that’s what’s got me driving all alone at night. Every promise you broke, the sound of your voice in my ears, drowned out in the hum of the streetlights.

As I am, why couldn’t you leave me as I am? You bend me backwards until I break just because you can.

I can’t believe I fell underneath your spell and all I could do was keep my eyes down to my feet. Blinded by the flaws you made me think were my own with hopes so high that I couldn’t breathe. But at least I can say I disposed of you before you took too much from me. I hope it fucking haunts you from across the country.

Leave, just leave. Just leave me as I am.

I hope you can hear every word from across the coast, I hope you can hear this song. I’ll scream it at the top of my lungs to the whole wide world just to prove you wrong.
Track Name: Long Lost
I never thought I’d have the heart to tell you every truth I’ve locked away, but now these fears won’t cease to ache inside my brain. You brought me up and hid me from the torment of this cruel world and now, like a son without his mother, I face this hell with nowhere to turn. I face this hell with nowhere to turn.

How could I ever forget the way you suffered? The way you showed me love you’d never felt from another. Yet I had the nerve to curse your name when all you did was show me comfort.

Looking back, how did you ever have the will to keep a loving heart when everything you held onto had left you in the dark? From your stolen youth to your crooked lovers. Living in one state, moving to another. You somehow have the room in your heart to love somebody like me. Now I’m setting the record straight. Letting it all come through, I’m putting ink to the page. I realize that this was never your fault and I’m sorry.

As hard as I’ve tried to frame you as the cause of all the mistakes I’ve tangled myself in, bridges I’ve burned at both ends, and my own self-loathing…I cannot paint such a picture any longer. I’ve spent so long holding in this bitter taste and now all I want is to remember your sweetness. But I know that through coffins, beds, love, and regret we’ve made for ourselves…this life is ours, so we live it.

If this is the last thing I say to you, just know that I’m learning to love myself and I’ve learned to love you too.
Track Name: Headlong
Can it be real if I don’t believe? ‘Cause all this talk is keeping me from sleep. You can say we’re through like it’s something new, but I’ll still see it through just to be what you need. You’ll keep fighting for the final word and we can scream until our voices hurt. Kind of funny how the ones who rush in are the first to leave, don’t you think?
Track Name: Pressure
It’s like I’m caught in between the words you speak and the expectations you keep out of reach. Over and over I try to see your point of view so skewed towards keeping me beneath you.

I lost my head trying to breathe underneath your gravity. I won’t reach out to hold a hand that never gave for me.

If you’re here to tell me who I should be, fuck you. I’ve made mistakes and I still do. I’ve got the will to improve, and that’s a whole lot more than I can say for you. If you’d take the time to look between the lines, you’d find that I’m an open book for every eye. But all you do is try to erase and rewrite, ‘cause nothing changes your mind.

You can keep your cries for attention behind your teeth and bite down on your tongue until it bleeds. You’re not as real as you’d like to think. Such a sorry excuse for a personality.

You’ve snaked your way inside my head one too many times, I won’t sit quiet while you run my life down to something so black and white. I think it’s time you read between the lines.
Track Name: Sixteen
Stared into a white light and felt no reason to stay. You let the April breeze carry you away that day. And after two years, it’s still not easy to say what I feel when these thoughts of you bleed into my sanity.

And the few times that we spoke seemed as if they were in confidence and the times you showed your smile…it was brilliant and honest. I never quite knew what it meant…I wish I’d never known.

Stepping back into the past, I can see the crowded chapel. I can hear your friends crying. Sunken eyes stuck to the floor, I can hear every whisper. On graduation day, through the eyes of a mother I can see the agony. When I think of you… I wonder what happened and what that says about who I am. Am I living a life of meaning? Is this life even worth living? I don’t have all the answers…but I know one thing…and that’s Christian, if you’re out there, if you can hear me...

You have no idea how much I wish you could see the life that layed before you, who you could’ve been. But that was so much more than you could see at sixteen. And maybe that’s why I can’t catch any fucking sleep, maybe I wait all night for you to come and visit me. Tell me why can our innocence can never stay alive? It’s not right.
Track Name: Face to Face
Can’t cover up what you can’t trace back. The mistakes will never fade to black. The guilt never leaves you alone. Traced into you like a mark on your back. Never to subside, a constant ache under your skin. Look me in the eye when I speak to you through the looking glass. Take a look at yourself and the disease that you’ve become. You don’t know you’ve seen the bottom until everybody’s gone.

Burning contempt in a tangle of smoke. Swept beneath the clouds, you start to choke. Now it’s up to you to make amends with what you’ve done. The hard part is trying to live with what can’t be undone.

So when death finally puts me to sleep, I hope I can say my life was not a mistake. You only get one shot to leave your mark on this place. I’ll take my chances face to fucking face.

I can see your head hangs heavy with the weight of regret, but you’re bound to make mistakes and you'll fail again. Foreign feelings find their way into your head, you have to face the facts. No matter how hard you try, you can never go back.

Now I know life can leave you with empty hands and I know things don’t always go according plan. But if you gave me one more chance, I’d tell you I love this life, I wouldn’t change a thing. And I know that you’ve been burned before, but cynicism doesn’t mean you’ve learned a thing. If you gave me one more chance, I'd tell you I love this life, I wouldn’t change a thing.

I understand this world can make you feel alone, a cloud that follows you wherever you roam. I may never find home but at least I can say that I love this life, I wouldn’t change a thing. I know your past is something you can’t change but that isn't a reason to stay the same. If you gave me one more chance I'd tell you I love this life, I wouldn't change a thing.